Well...hmmm..

Friend for two years. Thought I loved him. Stopping talking for a while. He moved to Arkansas. Always had a history of falling asleep at the wheel. Always had a bad life. Got kicked out of school. Never had a real job. Applied for college. Stayed off drugs. Was always smiling and happy in his new life. Driving home from working at the coffe shop. Fell asleep. Swirved into other lane. Hit the other car head on. Was the only fatality.


So what exactly is god trying to say? After 20 years of fuck ups you start to get your life together, you die. Young and full of life. So what EXACTLY would be the point? Tell me.

Its so hard to think of him being dead...such a livley person CAN'T just die. Everytime I think about it I get confused and just think "no..not our Evan." but in the same split second I realize, yes, our Evan. The one who got arrested numorous times just to keep everyone out of trouble. Gave someone their first love. And their first kiss. First heartbreak. Second lost friend. So many people are crying over him. And he always talked about how if he died no one would care...at least 7 of us were crammed in a room either bawling our eyes out while laughing at the same time trying just to breathe. The fact that he's gone makes you cry, so does the memories, but the memories are what keeps you laughing. Which is making it so hard to believe. Just picturing us going to the funeral isn't logical. I just see me walking up to the closed casket and he pops out yelling "SURPRISE!!!" or something in german. It's just something he would do. Dying isn't.

Out of our entire group anyone couldve died. Anyone. But it had to be the one that meant something to everyone. Everyones somethings were different sizes of somethings but he meant SOMETHING to everyone.

Player. Friend. Goofball. Stoner. Gentleman. Metalhead.

Whatever he is...he was an amazing person(vampire, monster, thing, etc.)

Ive cried more in the past few days than I ever have. I got so sick at school when I found out that i dealt with a splitting headache all afternoon then puked my guts out. PLUS I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. You'd think a person going to bed at 11 would wake up later than 6..

Idk..it just sucks so bad..not that I want anyone to die but why couldn't it have been someone else?

And its horrible cuz we can't even go to the funeral. To our own friend's funeral. Because it's in Arkansas. I understand where their comming from but god..it's our last chance to ever see him again...ever. Just sending flowers isn't gonna cut it...

Idk...I'm bawlin now with the little lip quiver and everything.

So here's a video tribute I made to him..

[link]